defluo spes

twice bitten, why shy? yes. i've got dengue once again. and for those who have not gotten it and thinks its a great week's of MC, you're wrong. My time of dengue was a period i felt i was closest to death. at least i never got to see the gates of heaven in my dreams. You will feel extremely weak, your muscles refusing to obey your command, even if u could summon one. You feel tired, weak, even getting up to the toilet is a chore. You lie in bed, no thoughts, just an empty weak feeling. Space. Empty space. You make every breadth a concious one so that you know you're breadthing. At times you grasp for breadth, for your lungs feel like a pair of punctured balloons. You try to eat, but you don't feel hungry neither can you open your mouth. You feel paralysed, not able to move, talk and interact. Day after day until finally you combat the virus, and you wake up one day feeling as if you were given a new lease of life.

that's dengue. wanna try it?

since few read my blog nowadays because it has been kept on low profile, i've decided it would become my little diary. talking to myself can sometimes be hard. I admit i enjoy living in denial, i enjoy living in fantasy. When motivators tell you, hey! your life isn't bad! you must always be positive! I enjoy indulging myself in that thought. In reality, somewhere farback in the subconcious of my brain's subconscious, I know that all these talk about being positive and all that is bullshit. Life was made to be tough in today's world. And soon it would be the end of it. Pretty ironee eh? But it kinda feels good to, you know, dream. After all, everything begins with a dream. Dreams are intuitive, dreams are beautiful, and everyone has the right to dream. Every night i dream that i still had my girlfriend with me, i dream that i will do well in the future and earn enough to live a peaceful life, i dream i had the power to reverse global warming and do the world some good, i dream i have telekinetic and telepathic powers.... i dream of the impossible. But hey, it's cool. At least i'm happy for that 5 minutes i dream before i fall into deep sleep and awake to discover myself back in horror reality.

anyway if anyone's finished with the last harry book and HAPpENS to read my blog, pls pls pls let me buy it from you second hand. i'm not some cheapskate guy, i'm a harry fan too, BUT i aint no JK rowling fan... she's earning millions now, and i sure aint gonna pay her more just to let myself escape into a world of fantasy. That's the reason why i enjoyed harry potter, and science fiction - living in fantasy...